"Duhs"

I've made a lot of lists in the past few weeks. Making lists helps me cut down on stress because if I have something important to do, but don't write it down, it plays in may head repeated until I do. Worse than having Rebecca Black's "Friday" stuck in your head. To help me hone in on what's most important, I've been making even more extensive lists than usual so I have less things floating around my brain and distracting me. Shopping Lists, Wish Lists, To-Do Lists, To-Don't Lists, etc. All kind of like Dumbledore's Pensieve. Once I get something out of my brain, it's easier to decipher and deal with.

One of my lists ended up with the title "Duhs" at the top of it. This was a list of things that I should be doing regularly (if not every day). The list includes but is not limited to:
Mommy/Son therapy time
Mommy/Son snuggle/giggle time
Mommy cooking practice
Exercise
Weekday Cleaning Schedule

The list doesn't actually contain that many lofty goals if I were to really focus on what's most important and not let bad habits and laziness run my life. Some of the items I'm already good at and some I'm not. Some of them are really vital and others could be skipped, but I'm learning that I'd rather not suffer the consequences that come from letting them go completely.

"How High?"

For those of you who may not know, our 3 year old son was diagnosed with Autism at the beginning of January. You can read more about him and his development on our family blog.

A few days after Alexander's appointment at Marcus Autism Center I found and joined a website called MyAutismTeam.com. Everything is still pretty new but I'm really glad I found that site. Alexander is an anomaly in many ways but it's so nice to connect with other parents who can mostly relate to my current circumstances, whether emotionally or in the technical aspects. Right now I'm more focused on the practical parts. Because in fact, I find that my biggest anxiety-causer isn't Alexander at all; it's the red-tape. We want to get our little man all the help and services we can, and that requires paperwork.

And it requires cold-calls, and doctors' consultations, and IEP meetings, and waiting on hold with the insurance company (again). And being rerouted to yet another person at the insurance company who has no idea what I'm talking about or "no authority to make that call," (again). It means waiting in line at DFCS and "willingly" handing the state information that I, frankly, wish they didn't have. It requires, over time, filling out 57 different forms for 11 different offices, some private and some tax-funded, all with that same information! (Those numbers are guesses but I promise I'm not trying to exaggerate.)

Bureaucracy is the bane of my existence and has been most of my adult life. I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Alexander's pediatrician at least seemed to agree with me. I commented to him the other day that I'm working toward a gold medal in "Hoop Jumping" for the 2012 Olympics. He paused briefly in his scribbling under yet another "To Be Filled Out Only By Child's Primary Care Physician" heading. He glanced at the mountain of case files on his desk. (Alexander is his 4th patient to be diagnosed with Autism this month.) Then he gave an exhausted attempt at a chuckle and said, "That's actually a good joke."

My "Done List"

I've been spending a lot of time on Pinterest lately. (I know I'm not the only one!) That site has got to be one of the most addictive things ever! At least for an OCD *nut* like me. I finally decided that I needed to make some "rules" for myself to channel my pinning obsession. My main rule includes the use of my "To-Do List" board. It's a board where I repin things I've pinned onto my other boards that I would like to actually do or make in the immediate future. This gives me easy access to my immediate goals so when I'm in a productive mood, I can cut right to the chase instead of getting lost in an endless sea of pins. The "rule" I've been trying to live by is that I'm not allowed to pin anything new unless I've done something off my "To-Do" board in the last week. In other words, if I go a whole week without actually USING the resources I'm pinning, I'm not allowed to waste time adding more. 

This is an exclusively self-imposed rule. I really can't say if I've been officially sticking to the week time frame or not, but having this goal in the back of my head has helped at least some. The only real documentation I have so far of the things I've done is moving them from the To-Do board to my Tried It and Loved It or Experiences Worth Having boards. So I wanted to post more about it on here and motivate myself to keep going. So here are the things I've done since I started this goal-oriented approach to pinning. :-)

Recipes Cooked (with Kevin's help):

    

Long-term Project Begun:

Ingredients Purchased:

     

Family Activities Done:

(Link to pictures on family blog)

If any one happens to read this and is inspired to make a similar board (or just set more goals), I do have a piece of advice: start small. It's GOOD to put recipes on your "To-do" list that won't require major shopping trips; ones that use stuff you have on hand already. Pin things you're already planning on doing anyway, like I did with the Corn Dawgs family activity. This is NOT "cheating". This is just a way to find motivation by having linked resources handy and to aid in making your inner awesomeness an outer reality. The awesomeness is something you already have, the list is just a way to remind yourself. As my old buddy C.S. Lewis always says, "Do not mistake it for the thing itself: and if it does not help you, drop it."

Something I was thinking about today

It is not a mother’s job to see her children the way the world sees them. No matter the reasons, there will be tens, hundreds, THOUSANDS of people out there who will be more than willing to tell our precious babies that they are not good enough: not talented enough, not outspoken enough, not calm enough, not quick enough. A entire horde of influences will do all within their power to lead them to believe that they don’t fit the ideal and they need to be different, bigger, better, stronger, smarter, faster. There will be plenty of that, so a mother need not fill the role. A mother’s job is to turn her back on all that nonsense. Her job is to teach her children what it is to love and be loved. It’s to embrace the truth that a mother’s love is blind. To start at day one and then continue to kiss, and hug, and gush over her children long after she has become an embarrassment to them. To make such a habit out of adoring and appreciating her children that they know to expect nothing else.  Of course, she should strive to help them to grow and, yes, to be better. But not for the sake of the world that would “fix” them or break them.  A mother’s job is to see her children as what they are, angels with the potential to be gods.

Read to a Child!

You may have noticed the new button at the top of my right hand column. If you haven't already, you should absolutely check it out! It's a link to a free online magazine that features a new story to read to your kids every single day!

"knowonder!" magazine was founded by Phillip Chipping a few years ago and he just started it back up again last month. The site is full of awesome resources for kids and parents alike. And guess who's helping him lead the charge...?

My mom! (Check out the "Our Team" page)

The woman who read to me and made up stories so I could star in my very own fairy tales. I'm so excited for this new project and I'm hoping to be involved as much as possible with getting "knowonder!" off the ground for real. So go check it out! For me, for my mom, sure, sure; but mostly for YOU! Read to your kids! Submit your own writing! Get your child's stories published!

Move it people! Get that imagination going!

Reverse Life Cycle for Moms

There is a quote by a man named Robert Benson called The Life Cycle and I've seen it floating around the internet for quite a few years. This probably means you all have seen it already also but in case you haven't...drum roll please...

“I think that the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get that out of the way, then live twenty years in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You go to college until you’re ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a little child, you play, you have no responsibilities, You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating, and you finish off as a gleam in someone’s eye!”

I thought this was quite amusing the first time I read it, probably 10 or 15 odd years ago. It still gives me a little chuckle but it occurred to me today that it was lacking a little in relatability to my own personal life. I spent most of today making phone calls and jumping through hoops and doing laps in preparation for jumping others in reference to my kids' various healthcare needs. I was feeling ever so slightly (intensely) exasperated by the fact that moms don't receive training for this stuff. I know that the idea that there isn't a manual is not original but I guess what I was really thinking about was a mommy internship. 

So here's my take on Benson's idea.

Reverse Life Cycle for Moms

“I think that the life cycle is all backward. You should die first, get that out of the way, then live twenty years in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you celebrate 50 years of marriage. You receive diamond earrings from your husband, endless praise from your adoring children and go on a trip to Italy. You watch your grandchildren being raised until you know enough to raise your own children. Now you get a diamond ring to go with your earrings. You go to college until you’re ready for high school. You go to grade school, become a little child, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating, and you finish off as a gleam in someone’s eye!”

In Honor of Mother's Day

(I couldn't find a title or an author for this, it's been going around the web for years. If you know for sure who wrote it let me know, I'd love to give them credit.)

Untitled
Author Unknown

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family. "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine.

That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of Independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a ceasarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. The blessed gift of God - and that of being a Mother.


P.S. Yes, Kevin, I fall in love with you every time you reach for the baby powder. (So I love you a lot.) ~Amy

Temple Trip

I took my family to the Atlanta Temple Open House yesterday. So beautiful. We all got dressed up so we could take family pictures but the sun was going down behind the Temple so all the pictures we took that included the spire are completely shadowed (can barely even see us standing there). We got some great pictures of the cousins though. 

The whole experience was so great. I went in knowing that my kids were going to be a handful so I wasn't disappointed when we reached the "2 minutes of quiet reflection" part of the tour and they weren't exactly quiet. They were happy. They were energetic. Considering they weren't allowed to run the length of the hallway, they were really well behaved. They were themselves and I loved every minute of it. Couldn't really have asked for a better experience. If you have the chance to visit a Temple Open House (this one or any other) do it! You will be so glad you went!

Random Insightful Quote of the Day

When a child is born, a father is born. A mother is born, too of course, but at least for her it's a gradual process. Body and soul, she has nine months to get used to what's happening. She becomes what's happening. But for even the best-prepared father, it happens all at once. On the other side of a plate-glass window, a nurse is holding up something roughly the size of a loaf of bread for him to see for the first time. Even if he should decide to abandon it forever ten minutes later, the memory will nag him to the grave. He has seen the creation of the world. It has his mark on it. He has its mark on him. Both marks are, for better or for worse, indelible.
~ Frederick Buechner,'Whistling in the Dark'

Alphabet Treasure Hunt

This is a little activity my mom came up with for me when I was two. She made two copies of each letter of the alphabet. Then she would post one set all around on the walls at my eye level. She would give me one of the second set of letters and tell me to go find the one that matched. My mom was pregnant with her third baby in three years at the time (and insanely morning sick) and this game gave her the ability to rest while I would go on a hunt and bring the letter back to her. Over the years there were other variations, and of course there were times when she could look with us instead of handing us the letter from the couch but this is the general idea. There is actually an article that she wrote all about it in the November edition of knowonder! magazine*. Her article is called "The Amazing Alphabet Adventure" and it's on page 112. You should definitely give it a read. My mom is a mother of 6, she did daycare in our house for years and know she's a elementary school teacher for kids with special needs. She is a veritable fount of knowledge when it comes to creative/educational activities for kids.

Moving on to "little Amy's" present day story. I don't think I've mentioned it on this blog before but my son Alexander is going to be three in July and he's never said a single word. He babbles in his own little boy language but never a word in English (or Spanish. The doctor asked me that once when I said he doesn't speak English, "What language does he speak?" Totally didn't get what I was talking about. So I told her he speaks Curious George.) I know there's plenty of kids out there who didn't talk right away but we can't help but wish he could say things like "Mommy" and "Daddy" and "Yes, mother I am now ready to be potty trained."

Anyway, the reason I share this here is because I've noticed lately that I've been putting off teaching Alexander a lot of different things because he can't talk yet. I've been waiting and so focused on that one thing, I've been slacking in other areas. I've realized now that just because he's delayed in that one aspect, doesn't mean he can't learn things like matching and recognizing his letters, which is all this game requires. So I decided to give my mom's idea a try.

I used velcro for the wall posting, in case you're interested; loop half on the wall (semi permanent but that's how serious I am about this) and the hook part on the back of one set of letters. 

Good letter cards can be used for any number of learning games so I wanted to share some printables. **Free Free Free!** Get all three sets and then you can mix and match as your child becomes more familiar with the upper case block letters.

Upper case print/block letters. Full jpeg alphabet in zip file. 

All Arial font except "I" is Lucida Fax (to distinguish between lower case file "l" and upper case file "I".)

Click for 4shared download

Lower case print/block letters. Full jpeg alphabet in zip file.

All Arial font except letter "a" (to simplify as possible writing guide) 

Click for 4shared download

 Both upper case and lower case cursive letters. Full jpeg alphabet in zip file.

All Learning Curve font with "guidelines" added.

Click for 4shared download

If you read my post from last Thursday you'll remember that I printed my cards out on regular printer paper and then laminated them. Of course you can use whatever paper/card stock you want and they don't have to be laminated to serve their purpose. I just wanted mine to last a really long time.

Here's Alexander trying to get the matching A to stick to the wall, too. Sorry son, no sticky on that one.

I effectively posed this picture, because I called him to me and handed him the A and pointed to the A on the wall. So, no he didn't magically learn "A" overnight. I figure we can practice and have a lot of fun! Here's to better teaching and communication! 

I love you, little boy!

*Story has been moved to a new webpage on knowonder! Click here to see it.

SPF 50

For Labor Day weekend we went with another family and took our boys to Tybee Island (our closest beach). Monday morning, after I slathered my kids with SPF 50 from head to toe, I had some sunscreen left over on my hands, so I rubbed it on my face. I covered my nose and ears really well and then smoothed the rest over my cheeks, forehead, chin. Then we got our stuff loaded in the cars and headed to the beach. We had a lovely time. Three hours of pretty perfect, not-too-hot-not-to-cool weather. The wind kicked up a little for a minute and we thought we might get rained on but then it passed and we went back to playing in the water and relaxing on the sand.

It wasn't until around hour 2.5 that I remembered I hadn't put on sunscreen anywhere else but my face. Oops. I figured I wouldn't burn too badly, though. We went in the morning, we were about to leave soon and the September sun didn't feel that hot.

Boy was I wrong. My husband (who didn't use any sunscreen) and I both had turned a very painful shade of fuchsia by the time we pulled into our driveway that night. But the SPF 50 had done its work for our sons. And for my face. My freckles weren't even any darker. So even though my back and shoulders are just now (four days later) starting to feel better, I was spared the agony of a pealing nose.

So...

I told you that story to tell you this one...

The past couple of weeks the hubby and I have finally started trying to get the little man to sit still for family scripture reading and prayers. Now, daily prayer and scripture study is a habit that I have always struggled to maintain. I'll finally get in a groove where I'm doing it every night and then I'll miss just one night, the habit is broken, and it'll be weeks or even months before I get my feet under me again.

But, with our son, it's different. I know it's only been a couple of weeks but I can just tell that this is a habit that I'm going to keep. Knowing that I'm responsible for another person's eternal progression is a strong motivator. And even though you would think that wrestling with a toddler would make the acts of reading a book without pictures and kneeling down to pray a lot more difficult, I've found that it's actually soooo much easier to remember to do it when it's part of his bedtime routine. So it's great. Because reading scriptures to him means I'm reading scriptures. And praying with him means I'm praying.

And I've discovered this beautiful thing about being a mother.

You can't give someone else something good without getting a little on yourself.