FlyBaby

Lately I've been working on refocusing my energies on my family and our house. I still need to be able to take time and recharge my own batteries and cultivate some "non-essential" talents. But I'm trying to go about daily life more on purpose than I used to. Basically I was miserable for about two months after we got Alexander's diagnosis. Then I realized that a lot of my old habits just aren't sustainable amidst these new challenges (ex. sitting on facebook for extended periods of time does not give me a boost of energy or help me feel motivated to "get back to the day." It sucks me in and I'm lucky if I resurface before the boys have added 25 more things to my cleaning list.) I simply have to grow or I'm going to be crushed by the onslaught of "stuff I have to do" and suffocated by my own feelings and reactions. This does not mean that all of the sudden, two weeks ago, I became a perfect, glorified being. Everybody else, even Kevin, may not have noticed that big a difference in me from February to March. But I've noticed a difference. I'm not "happier than I've ever been" but I'm definitely happier than I was a month ago.

I signed up at FlyLady.net and diligently implemented the first two baby steps (Shine Your Sink and Dress to Shoes). Since then I haven't even visited the site again but I also haven't needed to. I have NOT kept my sink shiny-clean the way she says to but I have embraced the Getting Dressed to Shoes concept. It really is just like she says, I think twice before laying down for a snooze on the couch if I have my lace up shoes on. And I don't have any excuse for not going outside to play with the kids, or running to the store, or walking the trash can to the curb. Once again, people may not notice a difference when they come to my house in the level of its cleanliness, but I feel like there's a difference. I've gotten several Spring Cleaning/Organization projects done and I really feel like I owe it to my shoes. The dishes and laundry still pile up a bit but I feel slightly more empowered to handle it. And let me just tell you, spiders don't give me quite the same panic attack when I'm wearing my sneaks.

There's also a different mindset that comes with getting fully dressed as if I was really going to work (teeth brushed, makeup and deodorant on, the whole nine yards). I get in a groove, I put on my Hilary Weeks or Josh Groban Pandora station. I'm better at plowing through the chores and minutia and just getting it over with instead of letting it take up the whole day. This obviously leaves more time for other more pleasant endeavors. I've played outside with my kids more in the past couple of weeks than I ever have before. The early arrival of Spring, I'm sure, has also contributed to this development, but I'm just more motivated in myself than I've been in a while.

I guess you could say I look at all of this as evolution. My to-do lists have changed, my goals have changed, even my prayers have changed. They kind of just had to. And I'm grateful for the grace I know I've been given. I couldn't have gotten even to this point on my own.

"I ain't as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be."